Intervals of ∞

When I was smaller than I am now I fleetingly received a message that all that will happen, all that has happened, and all that is happening will happen, has happened, and is happening at the same time.

I looked to some distant future where I was an adult and for some reason I was a dark-haired, besuited man like some character in a black-and-white movie. That was an adult. Young and light blond I knew I would never look like that grayscale father from My Three Sons, but that was my chosen archetype for adulthood.

I am wondering in one of my memory-rooms… the images of Holland Street, the alcove on West Street, the Living Room at 103 Madison Avenue and I’m wondering what will life be like when I’m a grown-up?

This thought comes to me, clear as any I’ve ever had and more vivid then any memory that there is no use waiting or wanting for it will come, it is, and if you blink your eye you are there so much as you are here.

Here is there, there is here, and I can hear you there in the middle of their living room while they’re watching TV and smoking cigarettes. Eyes burn from the smoke as I crawl on the floor exploring an unexplorable continuum.

And here I am years removed but never left… skin, muscle, bone, fat, encircling like the rings of an old cut-open tree. I am the Russian doll and somewhere I’m there while I’m here.

And while the line of this time has unfolded I’ve been drawn back to that thought… I remember it more now… somewhere between the imaginary boundary between the Living Room and the Dining Room at 103 Madison Avenue looking toward the smoky glow of the kitchen… the sound of a soap opera on the little TV that I can barely see through the smoke rings and a fresh perm.

So whenever I find myself waiting for something… I still wait. But I remind myself that there really is no wait. Nothing waits except waiting and waiting isn’t real. The weight of waiting hangs on this bag of matter, giving it mass, density, but briefly I break free…

Light as light and as fast. Speed of light. Not a speed at all. Unchanging. Defying explanation. If you run toward a ray of light at 1000 Miles Per Second and the light is coming toward you at its speed of 183,000 miles per second… no matter how fast from or away from it… it’s still the same. Defies wait. Defies weight. Light as light.

Intervals of infinity free

Contemplating what will happen,

What will be.

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