Best. Video. Ever.

Best. Video. Ever.

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A reading from The Book Of Jersey

Chris Christie is standing on the Atlantic City pier demanding an audience with Sandy. But even his hot air can’t turn her away. He flings his arms to the heavens and cries, “get back, get back you she-devil, for I shan’t suffer another moment. Let MY PEOPLE GO!”



Sandy, unmoved by Governor Christie’s display charges on. Christie whimpers, “Oh Sandy…”

She turns her eye toward him. Stops mid-rotation. “Tell me about it, stud.” She says.



And the two dance to a familiar song. “I got chills, they’re multiplyin’. And I’m losin’ control. Cuz the power, you’re supplyin’ it’s electrifyin’!”

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Ayn Rand was a prophet! Her unfinished book, unearthed…

Ayn Rand was a prophet! Her unfinished book, unearthed…

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Alligator (by tbs77)

Alligator (by tbs77)

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Big Fat Bully

A couple of years ago, the principal’s secretary at my school asked me if I wanted to be part of the school’s “Biggest Loser” competition. She said that some other staff members including herself and the principal were a part of it. I politely declined, but the question nagged at me. I mean, why ask it if you don’t think I could stand to lose a few pounds? Then again, I thought, it could just be a defensive response on my part. Anyone with eyes can tell I carry a bit more than I should. Weight is an issue I’ve dealt with in different ways my whole life. But the incident made me uncomfortable. This is a personal issue. My issue.

But clearly it is the country’s issue. Our culture has a perverse fixation on weight. From the sadistic voyeurism of “America’s Biggest Loser” to the taste-so-good-that-it-can-kill-you fast food ubiquity, to the growing genre of “this sh!t will kill you” documentaries… we, as a nation, have a major eating/body image disorder. And we feed the beast from both ends. McDonald’s is far from going out of business… which is good news for the Morgan Spurlock’s of the world.

Weight, obesity, image… these are serious issues that contain so much baggage with medical and emotional implications.

This viral video about a man who wrote a shockingly impolite letter to an overweight news anchorwoman dredged this all up for me today. In case your FB feed hasn’t been bombarded with this yet I’ll give you the nutshell: Some crasshole writes a letter to an anchorwoman saying that she sets a poor example because she is overweight. For some strange reason (fear, self-loathing, cruelty) people who are not overweight love to point out when other people are. There’s a whole sub-genre of comedy dedicated to it. The anchorwoman takes the time to address crasshole’s letter, using it as exhibit A for anti-bullying month. (Quick aside, who came up with giving every issue a month? Should we be more vigilant against bullies in October as opposed to, say, February? Stupidity.) And the thought hits me again… we live in a f#cked up culture. The gall of somebody to even write that…. but the logic, twisted and eugenic as it is, is all around us.

I remember running into a “friend” I hadn’t seen in a while at an ATM in my hometown. I remember him saying, “wow, man… you put on a lot of weight!” Embarrassed, ashamed, I laughed it off. Afterwards (the best responses often come after the fact, when opportunity and relevance have faded) I thought I should have said, “really!? Thank you for letting me know. The mirror and my ever-tightening waste-lines were only hints, but you, with keen observational skills and impeccable tact, have shown me the light that so eluded me! Thank you, you angel of wisdom!” Oh well… maybe he’s reading this.

Then there are the people in my life who I love and respect who are waaaaay to fixated on this crap. It’s all about physique and this diet and that plan and this doctor said that but the other guy said this and don’t eat that because it will give you diabetic leprosy of the perineum…. it’s too much.

And I wonder, why does this bother me? I’m relatively successful. I have a wife who loves me, belly and all. I have a home, a job that I love. Why does this bother me? Of course there is the health issue of it all. That’s a given. But why do I care?

Maybe the bigger answer lies in our national fixation. Why do we have “biggest loser” shows, fat-jokes, anorexia, bulimia, morbid obesity…? What the hell is wrong with us? Are these “first-world-problems”? Byproducts of having too much?

Are we just waaaaay too superficial? All of the above?

I have no answers. Just questions and observations. Health, self-esteem, body-image — these are personal issues. Personal issues that have become garishly public. Our collective dysfunction on parade in technicolor.

Maybe it does all come down to bullying. From a certain perspective we are a culture of bullies and victims. The weight issue brings us all back to high school — the pretty populars and the awkward outcasts. And the best answer is to rise above it by disengaging. I am not a bully or a victim. I just am. Let the rest of them be “biggest losers.” I’m going to work on me.

An open letter to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo

Dear Governor Cuomo,

I find it insulting that your office claims to promote “student performance and teacher accountability.” As if the two are the only factors related to “putting students first.” Unfortunately, you have joined ranks with the countless politicians across this nation who knee-jerkingly blame teachers for the poor performance of our nation’s students. In this case, you are far from a leader, and merely a politically triangulating follower. While I do agree that ALL professionals in ALL vocations must be held accountable, I find it frightening that teachers must shoulder the entire burden of accountability when it comes to educating our children. You say this as if there aren’t myriad moving parts, many of which are out of our control.

For instance, I teach in a low-income area of the South Bronx. Budget cuts have decimated staffing, facilities are overrun with filth (mouse excrement throughout) and technology is limited and outdated. During the first two weeks of school I taught high school students in a classroom with temperatures exceeding 90 degrees. You speak of “putting students first.” This sounds wonderful. Unfortunately actions speak louder than words, and these children clearly feel that they are undervalued. They roll their eyes when their arms slide across the sweat on their desktops. They snicker as technology that is designed to enhance their education fails because it is beyond repair.

And what of student accountability? Many students in the lowest-income areas in our great state of New York are accountable to no one. They read the signs that politicians and policy-makers find no value in them. They often lack support at home, so they find no inspiration there. They are bombarded by a culture that glorifies all the wrong things while obfuscating all of the right things. Why should they feel accountable? Often times, teachers are the only people trying to hold them accountable. We set limits and standards, provide support and care because we know the world they will shortly enter. We know that without feelings of self-worth, pride, work-ethic, character and kindness our students do not stand a fighting chance. So we look for ways to motivate, to inspire, to educate. We think “outside the box” of ways to motivate those who have never felt worthy of motivation. We do what we do because we love what we do. I’ve often said that this is the hardest job I have ever loved. It is excruciatingly difficult, but infinitely rewarding.

So what is your solution to all of this, Governor Cuomo? Increase student performance by changing the way you hold teachers accountable? Surely you are smarter than that. Surely you know there are factors that must be mitigated before you hold your hardest-working professionals accountable for everything that is outside of their control.

I am writing to you as a professional who deeply loves my chosen vocation. As hard as the job can be, there is never a day I am unhappy to do it. I know the looks of students who are “getting it.” And I don’t mean getting what I’m telling them. Anyone can inculcate. I’m talking about the face of enlightenment. The face of a student who realizes his or her mind is a treasure of unspeakable riches. A student who realizes his or her future is a garden to cultivate for a lifetime. Do not insult my profession by demanding my “accountability” as if I am an unruly pre-schooler. I hold myself to higher standards than you could ever quantify on a rubric.

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#xokp http://instagr.am/p/PVM0nDGL07/

#xokp http://instagr.am/p/PVM0nDGL07/

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Instant classic -- John Sterling, silver moment...

Instant classic -- John Sterling, silver moment...



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Apples and (tastier) oranges

I don’t understand, Apple. This is like Kleenex suing everyone who makes a white, paper napkin. You say you’re the avant garde, the standard to be emulated, and other developers make a device inspired by your form factor and you sue. How many variations can there be for a touch phone design? You just don’t like that they make something based on a more open system that lies outside the gated community of the iCult.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-57486203-37/apple-lawyers-watch-samsung-handsets-morph-into-iphone/?ttag=gpwp

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Shape-shifting classrooms and Osama. Ah, the dreams of Summer...

It must be August, for the dreams have begun….

When I was student-teaching a high school class, my mentor told me I should move around the room. Keep active. Make myself even bigger than I am. I assume this was to 1. engage the kids and 2. manage the classroom.

It’s something I took to heart and I’ve been trying to do it in my classroom ever since. Sometimes kids say, “yo, mista, you move around too much” when I speak loudly to the class from a point right next to them as they are sleeping.

Well, I had this dream last night. I was teaching in a lecture hall. I was still trying to move around the room like I normally would. Of course, as the dream unfolded I found that the lecture hall size shifted; it became larger. So now a typical lecture hall, in a way that only can happen in the warped universe of dreams, shifted anywhere from the size of Radio City Music Hall to Yankee Stadium.

And here I am, breathlessly lecturing my class (I know, too teacher-dominated, not student-centered enough…) hopping from row to row, frantically trying to keep them engaged. Mind you I had no lesson plan.

Then the bell rang and I had to pick up my things and get to a classroom in a different building by the next period.

Then there was the dream about Osama Bin Laden. To make a long story short, I was doing a college-type group project and he was one of my partners. We decided to “let him off the hook” for the project and give him the grade we got so long as we didn’t have to work with him. We then told the nearest soldier (because they’re always nearby in Crazytown dream-world) who launched some sort of a missile strike in the general direction where Osama headed. Strange post-apocalyptic urban warfare ensued and I was picking off would be attackers from a perch atop some mound unwittingly fueling the fires of a greater war.

You can’t make this stuff up. But you do.

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Joe Paterno's Name To Remain On Joe Paterno Center For Covering Up Sexual Abuse

Joe Paterno's Name To Remain On Joe Paterno Center For Covering Up Sexual Abuse



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I don't always pitch in the all-star game but when i do, i prefer to wear my hat like an idiot - F-Rod | Meme Generator

I don't always pitch in the all-star game but when i do, i prefer to wear my hat like an idiot - F-Rod | Meme Generator



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Scientists at CERN May Have Found the Higgs Boson Particle

Scientists at CERN May Have Found the Higgs Boson Particle



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236th of July

236 years ago a group of forward-thinking, progressive rebels decided to break ties with a government they believed to be corrupt and indifferent to their needs as citizens. Influenced by Locke, Voltaire, Rousseau, Montesquieu, et al, they set out to create a government that protected the natural rights of all citizens against the tyranny of the privileged. They set out to safeguard the avenues of free thought — education and the free press. Hopefully those ideas will find a renewal on this anniversary of their commitment.

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Photo

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mmpb: RIP to a man who was in a band powerful enough to turn...

mmpb:

RIP to a man who was in a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.

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“No play make sad. Draw on TV.” @Jeremy_roenick...

“No play make sad. Draw on TV.” @Jeremy_roenick #NYRplayoffs #xokp http://instagr.am/p/KEMTtMGLw_/

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Picked up this replica of Offermann Stadium on the web. Out was...

Picked up this replica of Offermann Stadium on the web. Out was my grandfather’s favorite place to watch a ballgame. To hear him talk about it was almost like being there. #xokp http://instagr.am/p/J0YYZGGL1d/

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#xokp http://instagr.am/p/J0V5mBmL0l/

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#xokp http://instagr.am/p/J0VKe-GL0T/

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#xokp #nyr http://instagr.am/p/JyBURBmL4P/

#xokp #nyr http://instagr.am/p/JyBURBmL4P/

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Shanahan, thy name is joke.

So Carl Hagelin hits Daniel Alfredsson without intent and injures him. Hagelin, with no prior major penalties, is suspended 3 games. Chris Neil, a dirty player in the middle of every scrap, plows into Brian Boyle, a player the senators have been targeting all series, and injures him. No suspension. What a joke.

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Beloved made some lentil soup… / on Instagram...

Beloved made some lentil soup… / on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/JvZGJjmLz2/

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/ on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/JvNnnEGL-_/

/ on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/JvNnnEGL-_/

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I can think of allot of things to do with my hands when I have...

I can think of allot of things to do with my hands when I have mad feelings. / on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/JtFR1GGL9U/

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/ on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/JskGovmL7z/

/ on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/JskGovmL7z/

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Rosebud / on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/JrF_wAGL8S/

Rosebud / on Instagram http://instagr.am/p/JrF_wAGL8S/

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